Tears Of The Past
by SilverBlueBeauty
Summary: Elliot checks on Olivia after she loses Calvin. He also learns a terrible secret Olivia has kept to herself for years.
1. Chapter 1

**Takes place after Rescue, season 12 epsiode 10. Elliot checks up on Olivia at her apartment and learns a heart-wrecking secret of her past. If you like it, a review is much appricated. Hope you like it.**

Elliot approached the door of the apartment that belonged to his partner. He knew she properly wasn't in the mood for visitors but he needed to make sure she was okay. Well, he knew she wasn't, not after todays events, not after losing the one thing she had always wanted. Calvin was take away from her and there was nothing Olivia could do. Elliot knew himself that there wasn't nothing he could do. His mind flashed back to the moment where he held her back, reminding her the guardian agreement of Calvin was always temporary. He remembers seeing her face when she turned to face him and saw the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't cry in front of him she never did. Olivia simply looked at him before telling him she needs a moment and walked away. He knew her before she left work but she didn't say anything and that's why he was here now, in front of her apartment door. Elliot needed to know she was okay. He sighed, lifting a hand and knocked on the door. He heard the lock on the door click and the door opened to reveal a shattered looking Olivia. ''Hey.'' Elliot kept his voice as soft as possible. Olivia gave a weak smile. ''Hey.'' She didn't even try to hide the broken tone of her voice. ''Is it okay for me to come in?''

Olivia stepped aside and Elliot walked inside the apartment, closing the door behind him. Elliot wondered over to the living room and stood beside the couch. ''I just thought I'd pop by to see how you're doing. You didn't say one word when you left work and I worried a little bit.'' He said and saw Olivia fiddling with the sleeves of her black cardigan. Her voice was quite as she spoke. ''Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I just needed sometime alone after what happened with Calvin.''

Elliot looked at her sadly. ''It was always going to be temporary, Liv.'' He repeated the words from earlier that day. Olivia nodded. ''I know, El. I didn't think it would hurt this much.'' Olivia hugged herself. Elliot strolled over to her. ''I know the guardian agreement was only for a short time and during that time I grew to love Calvin like he was my own. I bonded with him, Elliot.''

''I know you did, Liv.' Elliot was now stood in front of her and looked into her eyes as he spoke. ''You did an amazing job with Calvin and he will always be grateful for what you did for him. I know myself that it was only temporary but it isn't fair that they just took him away from you like they did. If they was any other way you would have my full support but…'' He trailed off, looking at her sadly. Olivia bit her lip and dropped her gaze. ''There isn't.'' She sighed. Elliot reached out and laid a strong hand on her shoulder. ''No. I'm sorry, Liv.'' He gently squeezed her shoulder. ''If they was I'd support you all the way. You know that, don't you?'' Elliot's voice was so gentle and that's what she loved about him. He puts concern and gentleness all in one tone and that's what made her feel safe enough to open up to him. To trust him. Olivia met his eyes and gave him a small smile. ''I do. Thanks, Elliot. I appreciate you coming down to check on me.''

Elliot smiled and squeezed her shoulder. ''We're partners, Liv. For better or worse.'' He searched her eyes as she did with his, Elliot's thumb rubbing small circles on her shoulder. Olivia stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying herself in his chest and exhaling deeply as he holds her against him. He lays his chin on top of her head and closes his eyes, feeling her relax against him. Elliot rubs her back for comfort as he hears her deep sigh again. He plants an innocent kiss on her forehead. ''You'll make a great mum one day, Liv. You did a fantastic job being Calvin's guardian and that proves you are prime parent material.''

Olivia closes her eyes, listening to his voice and remembering the time she had told Elliot she had looked into adoption was rejected her. Elliot continued. ''You'll be a mother one day, Liv. Believe me.'' He traces his lips along her skin, leaving a kiss on her temple. Olivia opened her eyes and whispered. ''El?''

''What is it, Liv?'' He asks gently. Olivia inhaled quietly. ''I have something I need to tell you.''

She pulls back slightly, just enough so she can look at her partner. She sees the concern taking over him. ''What is it you need to tell me?'' Elliot scans her expression, tears now beginning to form in her eyes. She swallows the lump in her throat. ''This will come as a shock to you, Elliot and it will be painful for me to talk about.''

Elliot reaches out and tuck some hair behind her ear. ''Honey, your scaring me a little bit. What's wrong?'' When he didn't receive an answer, Elliot cupped her chin and tipped up her head, forcing her to look at him. ''Tell me.'' He traced her lip with his finger. Olivia sighed, gazing at the man who she trusted with her life. ''I was a mother, Elliot. A long time ago.''

Elliot furrowed his eyebrows. ''Liv, I don't understand.'' He stared in her tear-filled eyes as she spoke. ''I was a mother, Elliot. I had a baby and I lost it.'' Her voice began to quiver. ''I never told anyone about her.''

**I will write a chapter 2 if you enjoyed reading this and want me to contiue. Please let me know in the reviews. Thanks for reading. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 is here. This is the final part to this fanfic so I hope it does justice. Let me know in the reviews if you enjoyed it. :)**

Elliot took a few moments to process Olivia's shocking revelation. He was speechless. Olivia had been carrying this agonising secret all her life and not once did she tell anyone about her lost baby, not until now. He took her in his arms and held her strong as she weeped against his chest. Elliot felt his heart break. Her body shook between sobs but it more broke him to think his best friend, who had always wanted children, had lost a child of her own long ago. He didn't say anything, all he did was hold her tight, one hand rubbing her back and the other soothing her hair. Olivia began to calm down after a few moments and when Elliot pulled back to look at her, he took her hands in his and helped her to sit down on the couch. She sat there while he went to the kitchen, fetching them each a bottle of water.

When he returned, Olivia was sat with her elbows resting on her knees and her hands clasped together, staring into thin air. She could see him from the corner of her eyes. He placed the bottle of water on the coffee table. ''Thanks, El.'' She whispered. ''No problem.'' Elliot sat down next to her and caught the sight of fresh tears building in her eyes. He copied her seating position and looked around the room, clearing his throat whilst gathering the right words to say. ''I know you never told anyone about the baby, Liv and I believe you. Your not the kind of person to open up to just anyone and I know that. It's got to be someone who you know will never hurt you.'' Elliot glanced at Olivia. ''I will never hurt you, Liv, you know that. You can talk to me whenever you need to and if there ever is anything on your mind I want you to tell me. Maybe start from telling me about the baby you lost.''

Olivia felt herself her melt at the tenderness of his voice. She liked to think he used that voice with his kids whenever he thought something was bothering them. It was a voice which made her feel safe. She wiped away the tears that ran down her face. She inhaled, her voice gentle. ''To put your mind at rest, Elliot. I wasn't raped.'' She looked at him and saw him relax a little. Elliot was worried someone had forced themselves on Olivia but he released a sign of relief when she told him she wasn't. Elliot swallowed the tight feeling in his throat. ''What happened, Olivia? What happened the baby?'' Elliot began to feel tears of his own build up in his eyes, watching her closely. Olivia bit her lip. ''I was 18 when I got pregnant. I was in a on/off relationship. The er… The condom broke, that's how I got pregnant. When I told the father he didn't want anything to do with it. He demanded I got an abortion and when I decided against it, he broke up with me and I then had to face the responsibility of becoming a single parent.'' She gulped back the oncoming tears forming in her brown eyes, feeling the pain of reliving terrible memory. ''What did your mother say when she find out?'' He asked, Olivia shook her head. ''I didn't tell her, Elliot. She would've drank herself to oblivion. She would've come at me with the broken end of a wine bottle.'' She half-hearted chuckled, remembering a time where her mother was so drunk she smashed a wine bottle and went after Olivia. She continued. ''It was lucky I was small because as the pregnancy went on, I barely showed anything. I went to the ultrasounds on my own. Never had anyone with me, not once. No one cared about me or even asked if I was okay.'' Olivia dropped her gaze and stared at her hands. She felt a warm hand laid itself on the back of her neck, rubbing it tenderly. She looked back at Elliot and gave half a smile. He weakly returned the gesture. ''What to the baby, Liv?''

Olivia met his gaze with tear filled eyes, constantly devouring the ever-growing lump in her throat. She felt her heart break a little as this part was the hardest to relieve, she breathed in softly and exhaled. ''I went into labour five months early. No doubt it was all the stress I was under which caused it. I didn't have anyone with me as I gave birth. I was all on my own.''

Elliot rubbed his thumb along her skin for comfort and in a way urging her to take her time. ''I gave birth 23 weeks early. The midwives told me she had very little chance of survival as most babies born that early don't stand a chance and are too weak to survive.'' Olivia held her arms up to her chest. ''They gave her to me and I held her in my arms and I felt this overwhelming emotion of joy and heartbreak at the same time.'' She wiped her face with the back of the hand. Elliot felt his heart break into a million pieces. He was lucky enough to have been blessed with five children and he couldn't even imagine the pain Olivia felt that day. He blinked through his own tears. ''You had a little girl?''

Olivia nodded. ''I had a feeling I was going to have a little girl. My grandmother had my mum, and then my mum had me.''

Elliot looked at her sadly. ''What was her name, Liv?''

Olivia tried to stop the tears from falling but she couldn't and they ran down her cheeks. ''Amelia. Amelia Benson.'' Elliot gave a sad smile. ''That's beautiful, Liv. If she had the chance Amelia would've have grown up to be exactly like you. Beautiful and headstrong.''

At this Olivia lost control of her oncoming emotions. ''It's not fair, Elliot. It's not fair.'' Olivia weeped as completely broke down. Elliot took her in arms, one hand stroking her hair while the other rubbed circles on her back at the same time he uttered soothing words to comfort her. She kept her face covered with her hands to advert Elliot's face and to avoid getting his shirt soaked from tears. Elliot stroked the ends of her hair as she cried into him, feeling her body shake sobs. ''Shh, Liv. It's okay. It's okay. Shh.'' Elliot soothed, which caused a single tear to roll down face.

After a minutes of crying, Olivia caught her breath and pulled back enough to meet Elliot's eyes. He gazed at her face and thought she had never looked more beautiful. He felt her breath against his skin. ''It's my fault, Elliot. It's my fault, Amelia died in my arms.'' Olivia weeped. Elliot held her close to him. ''Don't say that, Liv. It's just one of those things. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening.'' His face with just inches from hers. Olivia searched his ocean eyes, which helped her to calm down. ''I should have tried, Elliot. She was my daughter and she died in my arms. I should have done something to help her.''

Elliot cupped her face and gently forced Olivia to looked at her. He wiped her tear stained face with the pads of his thumbs. He spoke softly. ''There was nothing you could have done, Liv. Amelia was too weak to survive such a battle. You know yourself the midwives had told you what would happen. But in the end, Liv.'' He caressed her face with his fingers, it was he way of getting her to stay focused on him as he spoke. ''You gave Amelia the one thing no one else in the world could give her. You gave her love. She was dying in your arms and while you had the chance, you showed her how much you loved her, how much she meant to you.'' Elliot bit his lip before continuing. ''Amelia will always be grateful for the time you shared with her, even when it was cut short. She'll be looking down on you and she'll be thanking her mother for showing her love when nobody else would.'' He wiped away a few more tears that escape her beautiful brown eyes when she managed a small smile at his heartfelt words. ''Thank you, Elliot. You don't know how much that means to me. How much you mean to me.''

Elliot leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering a soft kiss. Olivia closed her eyes, relishing the comfort it gave her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay I stand corrected. This is the final chapter of this story as I was asked to do another update. I know this is short but I ran out of ideas for this story and if I'm honest I am happy with the final ending to this fanfic. I will write more of Elliot/Olivia, just different stories. Please me know what you think of the ending. Short and sweet but I'm happy with it :)**

She felt a hint of adoration in his kiss, a way of letting her know how important she was to him. Elliot pulled back, cradling her face in his hands. ''You mean a lot to me, Liv. More than you ever know. I want you to remember that.'' Olivia gave a him a sweet smile. ''Thanks, El.''

''Your welcome.''

Olivia leaned forward and buried herself in his chest, wrapping her arms around tightly around him. Elliot brought his arms to her shoulders and held her to him, one hand gently threading his fingers through her hair. He felt her relax instantly as he rocked them side to side. A few moments later, Elliot noticed Olivia had loosened her hold on him and when he looked down he realised she had fallen asleep. He lifted her body into his arms, careful to not wake her and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her down on the mattress, tugging at the blankets to cover her with. Olivia groaned in her sleep and turned onto her side, her back to Elliot. He removed his shoes and jacket before laying down next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. His thumb began rubbing the material of her shirt, a of making her relax in hopes she will stay asleep for longer. Elliot brought his lips close to her ear and whispered. ''Sleep tight, Liv.''


End file.
